Our tendency to judge ourselves, others, life events, and our partner block our ability to see the world around us as it is, with its delights and challenges.
Counteracting Judgement
Our minds are wired to see the negative possibilities of every situation. This is called the “positive-negative asymmetry bias.” To balance out this cognitive tendency and have a more realistic perspective on the good within you, others and around you, begin by noticing your thoughts. Are they judgmental? Try labeling your judgements when you recognize them. You can do this by simply noting, “This is a judgement.”
Here are 7 ways you can counteract the human tendency to judge:
- Make a list of things you can’t stand in people. Then think of ways, past and present, you’ve indulged in or exhibited these things yourself.
- Close your eyes and visualize, one at a time, with kindness, the people in your life who have hurt you (or who you’ve hurt.) In your mind’s eye, say to them, “I forgive you, I’m sorry, I love you, thank you.” Pause. What arises after each statement?
- When you feel difficult emotions, find a safe, controlled, private space where you can feel them fully. Let the feelings take hold of your body. Cry. Shake. Feel deeply.
- When you find yourself judging, criticizing, or accusing someone of something, take a moment to identify how you could be more honest about this situation, eg. “I’m trying to control you because I’m scared of losing you.”
- Remember that when you point a finger in blame, at least 3 fingers on your hand point back at you. How did you factor into what’s happening?
- Notice when someone offends you because they’re showing you a version of yourself you don’t like. Is their version of you partly true? Can you accept this?
- Take ownership and be transparent. The next time you defend yourself, or rationalize a behavior, try saying, “You know, I think I’m defending myself, and rationalizing my behavior, because I’m afraid of _________.”
