In the wake of a stressful election, divisive politics, and a global pandemic reaching it’s deadliest peak over the last few weeks, the arrival of the holidays may feel both familiar and surreal to many. It’s been a hard year. Covid-19 has created a health and economic crisis with far-reaching impacts. Many families have been pushed to their economic and emotional breaking points over the past eight months, and have coped with unprecedented losses.
Couples have also been suffering. It’s easier to grow frustrated with a partner you see all day every day, and it’s harder to regulate emotions when hobbies, travel, and exercise are off limits because your favorite yoga studio is closed and it’s not safe to travel. Some couples suffer quietly, trying to cope with isolation, lack of social support, foreclosed opportunities, and chronic uncertainty alone. Others suffer loudly, getting into repetitive, painful conflicts, or even breaking up. If you’re in a couple, and you’re struggling, take twenty minutes a day for a week to make a list of things you love to do, but haven’t found the time or energy to do lately. Go through the list and put a start next to anything you can still do now that will give you a small dose of joy, ease or pleasure.
Is it PTSD, OCD or 2020?
Some of the behaviors that Covid-19 requires people to engage in actually resemble behavioral symptoms of certain mental health disorders like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Only now, given the very real risk of contagion and illness presented by this global pandemic, many of these behaviors are situationally appropriate and called for. In addition, many of the mental health symptoms people are experiencing are a natural consequence of surviving 2020.
Some common behaviors and symptoms include:
- hyper vigilance related to germs/contact with others/ contact with the outside world
- nightmares about illness or dying, or others getting ill or dying
- intrusive, repetitive, distressing thoughts about missed opportunities and future losses or catastrophes
- a general sense of emotional numbness
- chronic irritability
- avoidance of places and situations where exposure is possible
- a low-grade sense of hopelessness
- detachment
- loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
A Call For Compassion toward self and other
If you’re experiencing more stress than usual, or struggling with these or other symptoms typically associated with a mood or mental health disorder, it’s important to take a reality-based view of your situation. You are human, and all humans have limits. Remind yourself that you’re doing your best in an extremely challenging situation, and you’re not alone. Practice self-compassion, and compassion toward your partner. There are apps and meditations you can access through your phone, on Youtube, or through an array of websites that offer free guided loving kindness meditations and spiritual talks .
You can choose to practice self-compassion, or to cultivate compassion toward your partner, by putting your hand on your heart (or on their heart, even if it’s only in your own mind) and gently communicating (internally or out loud), “I’m here. I can feel this. I can be with myself and you, right now.” Allow yourself to experience your own vulnerability.
Photos courtesy of Coyot, on Pixabay, and Katarzyna Grabowsky on Shutterstock
